Preparing for Difficult Conversations
Are you preparing for a difficult conversation?
Difficult conversations can be intimidating for leaders that don’t have a game plan. The suspense of having a hard conversation is enough to throw anyone into a panic. Anxiety, along with other various emotions, might make you say or do the wrong thing.
One of the biggest mistakes people can make, and one of the easiest to correct, is going into a difficult conversation without preparing for it. The risk of not preparing for a difficult conversation is that the receiver could misinterpret what you’re saying or feel like they’re being attacked.
Being unprepared turns what could have been a productive discussion into a missed opportunity. Fortunately, you can avoid this by doing a few simple steps to prepare for the conversation beforehand.
Approaching difficult conversations with a game plan helps you be better prepared to initiate and direct the discussion in a productive way.
As a leadership coach, I’ve helped leaders prepare for difficult conversations using tips that create clear communication and a shared understanding. If you’re getting ready to have a difficult conversation, these tips are a great place to start.
Why You Should Prepare for Difficult Conversations
Difficult conversations are just that: difficult. Rushing into one is a sure-fire way for the discussion to take a wrong turn. The best way to avoid that is by mentally preparing for tough conversations beforehand.
Drafting a script of what to say can be a waste of time because it's likely that the conversation won’t go exactly as planned. In my experience in leadership coaching, I’ve often seen my clients try to outmaneuver difficult conversations by plotting out each possible interaction. However, every person and situation is different, so you can’t stick to just one script or even anticipate all the directions a conversation can go in.
Mentally preparing for a difficult conversation saves you from wasting time and getting unnecessarily anxious. Productive leaders are able to reframe their mindset from seeing the conversation as a difficult task to viewing it as an opportunity to provide effective feedback.
How to Prepare for Difficult Conversations
1. Determine the reason for the conversation
The first step to prepare for a difficult conversation is to figure out the reason for the conversation. The first step for preparing to have a difficult conversation revolves around why the discussion is being held in the first place.
One thing to keep in mind is negative feedback can be a development conversation instead of a difficult one.
The whole purpose of having difficult conversations is to share feedback hoping it will result in change. So, it would be best to determine the why in order to determine what you’re trying to get out of the conversation. Figure out the reason for the discussion and you will have a more straightforward path to your end goal.
2. Set your intentions
Setting intentions before you jump in can help you be a more effective communicator in difficult situations. If you are preparing for a tough conversation, it’s important to take a few minutes to ask yourself these questions:
What outcome do you want to achieve? Why do you want this outcome? What's important to you about that?
How are you willing to be flexible?
What ideas are you offering in this situation?
What outcome might the other person want to achieve? Why might they want this outcome? What's important to them about this situation?
One of the best things you can do to prepare for a conversation is to ask yourself these questions. Leaders who set their intentions before a difficult discussion are better prepared for an open and productive discussion.
3. Understand the receiver
To effectively start and have a difficult conversation, you have to understand who your audience is. Effective leaders understand that everyone has different values and are better able to determine a course of action. Understanding the other person means understanding their communication style and practicing emotional intelligence.
Leaders who can do that will be better prepared to have a conversation tailored to that individual. The outcome will result in a receiver that is more accepting of the feedback you give them.
4. Expect positive results
An important tip as you prepare for a tough discussion is to set the conversation's tone before it even begins by expecting positive results. Our role as leaders is to coach our teams to build progress through experimentation. This can only happen in a positive, encouraging environment.
Your desired outcome should be that the receiver accepts and implements the feedback and that the relationship between you stays intact. To do that, you have to keep a positive attitude about the result of the difficult conversation. Being anxious and pessimistic about the situation will only manifest undesired results.
Prepare for a Difficult Conversation With Guidance From a Leadership Coach
Preparing for a difficult conversation doesn’t have to be difficult. Getting ready ahead of time can help you communicate better and reach a better outcome.
Knowing how to communicate and constructively share feedback is an essential skill for leaders to master. A leadership coach helps leaders learn the skills they need to be better prepared for a difficult conversation. Learning how to direct difficult conversations is often one of the first skills new leaders need to develop to be effective.
Let’s talk. Contact us today to discuss what’s challenging you and how we can support you in navigating a path forward through hard conversations.